Poppets and crumpets, and wangdoodles, oh my!

I was invited to tea and biscuits by a 70-year oldish woman named Maureen. She called me 'poppet' and I swooned. We saw the end of the Sound of Music and she told me her life story, which was honestly fascinating. She lived in Istanbul and had crocheted rugs. She was a fabulous lady.

According to my dear friend, Thomas, a crumpet is a receptacle for butter.
According to my dear friend, James, a crumpet is a wonderfully attractive and charming young girl.

I met an adorable, quintessentially British family. Their 9 y/o daughter named one of their fish "Wangdoodle". Their hamster's name is "Hammy". Awesome.

A papadum is not a poppadom. It's light, crispy, and slightly salty. It is not made of cotton candy and does not fizzle in your mouth like pop rocks.

The etiquette to taking snuff: You receive the snuff box from your left, in your left hand. You pick the snuff with your right thumb and forefinger. You pass the snuff box in your left hand to the person on your right. You place the snuff on the top of your hand in the area between your left thumb and forefinger. Snuff.

Only Fellows of an Oxford college are allowed to walk on the college green. Unless you are playing croquet, a game of "genteel viciousness". Otherwise, you will be chased by a Lodge Porter from the North.

A pasty is not a pale, Caucasian person. It is a pastry where one side is filled with a "savoury side" (meats) and a "sweets" side (dessert - think 'apple pie'). It is in the shape of a half moon. The curved side is rimmed with a thick crust. During the Industrial Era, coal miners worked with poisonous chemicals on their hands. Their wives baked a pasty with a thick crust so that they could hold the food without their hands coming into direct contact with the part they were consuming. The workers could then eat from left to right, the 'savoury side' (the meal) and the 'sweet side' (the dessert)! Ingenious.

The Oxford Comma is that extra comma you sometimes see at the end of a list, right before the "and" that precedes the final item.

blah, bleh, blugh, and blech!
VERSUS
blah, bleh, blugh and blech!

Basically, it's a pretentious little son-of-a-loop.

To "penny" someone at Cambridge University is to drop a penny into their drink or dessert, which the owner must consume immediately in 60 seconds to 5 minutes or in one bite. This takes place during formal dinners. The game ends when the dinner ends, or when someone gets thrown out for getting too drunk, whichever comes first.

This is my Oxford education. It deserves a degree. For serious.